What is this life?

While I’m working on a more lengthy blog post that requires more research, I shall leave you with this anecdote from my undergraduate days of all nighters and possible psychotic breaks in reality induced by sleep deprivation.

Beginning my sophomore year, I was taking my statistics for psychology class. I was battling with the gawd-awful program known as SPSS. For those non-psych/human development majors, it is by far the most evil bastardization of an Excel program. Only it does not have an “undo” button, nor is there an ability to move data to different cells.

After spending nearly two hours inputing data, it was then I realized that I was off by one cell. I would have to redo the data. I cried in the computer lab. My eyes were glazed over from staring at a mass of rectangles and numbers. My brain thought it too much to think about re-imputing the data.

A stranger passed by and saw me having my mental break down.

Stranger: “Are you okay?”

me: “I have to re-impute all of the data!” [SOB!]

Stranger: “Oh no! That’s awful. Hold on, stay right here.”

The kind person returned with a cup of coffee and wished me luck. It is during these times that gives me hope for humanity. After regaining cognitive function thanks to the wonderful nectar of coffee, I was able to redo the data. After that I left the library, because fuck interpreting the data after that ordeal.

The next semester I was working on my research methods paper. It was around 2 AM in the 24-hour room at the library. It was a pretty full house as it was crunch time to get all of the papers, projects, and studying done for finals week. I was on my third cup of coffee and 193837102846282nd trip to the bathroom thanks to the abundance of caffeine in my system.

At that point, I was sure I was going to start hallucinating from lack of sleep. Then I hear the most beautiful words anyone could hear at that ungodly hour:

Random guy: “Uhh, anyone want pizza? I have a shit ton of money I need to kill off on my card [school ID card].”

Everyone: “YES!”

The pizza arrived about 45 minutes later and it was the most delicious slice of pizza I’ve ever tasted. This may be due to the sleep deprivation and the late hour that makes anything taste delicious. I and many others cried tears of joy and declared our undying love to this kind and generous stranger.

I left the library at around 4 AM. Done with my final paper. I was in this surreal point of sleep deprivation when I wasn’t sure what was life. If I was in the Twilight Zone, this was the opportune time for that to happen. Instead of immediately walking back to my dorm room, I walked four laps around the Quad trying to get a sense of what is life in a vain attempt to regain my sanity.

I made sweeping declarations such as:

• WHAT IS LIFE?!
• WHAT THE FUCK?!
• I’m so tired…
• Ughhhhh…
• Whhhhhy?

I’m sure if University Police were watching, I think I would have concerned them. Or maybe they’re just used to seeing students having temporary psychotic breaks due to finals.

How athletes oppress the vulnerable

I cannot promise anyone that I will be articulate while writing this. I am angry furious. It is hard to miss news coverage of the woman who was gang raped in India and died of her injuries or the teenage girl who was gang raped by her high school’s football team and didn’t even know about it until it was posted on the Internet. And there’s Penn State and Sandusky, which is all sorts of messed up.

I could go on about patriarchy and how it perpetuates rape culture. I can write in detail about victim blaming and how we as society should focus more on blaming the actual perpetrator. The message to women that they should not do this or that to keep themselves safe, rather than teaching everyone to not rape or assault people. Common sense, people.

Instead I want to write how it is to be a woman during all of this. I get angry when I hear about the injustices made against these people’s sense of security and dignity.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not bashing sport teams and athletes. I’m bashing the culture that worships sports and believes that athletes can do no wrong, when athletes are in fact fallible humans. Unfortunately, there are the few asshats that ruin the reputation for athletes as a whole.

Why there is more prompt action being done for Manti T’eo’s fake girlfriend than there was for Lizzy Seeberg? A woman who was bullied by Notre Dame’s football team to not press charges against the team member who raped her. Seeberg committed suicide, and that is a real tragedy. And she is not the only woman who was sexually assaulted by the football team and intimidated to press charges.

I don’t want to minimize the bizarre situation that T’eo is in, but I’m rather confused when the football coach cried and called the whole situation a tragedy during the press conference. There was no immediate news coverage for Seeberg or the other victims.

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: We don’t know what to believe, but if it is the case that T’eo has been duped — then he has the right to feel whatever emotions he has. I’m more disgusted of how the Notre Dame handled high-stakes situations that threaten their image.

What I see are the scary similarities between Notre Dame and Steubenville. Besides the obvious fact that both involve a revered football team, is the fact that these athletes are put on a higher pedestal than anyone else. If anything is done to tarnish their image, you can bet that they will have the support and resources needed to go after it.

And even if you go back to high school, the crowning glory of that school was their sport teams. In my experience, the athletes could get away with nearly everything. Because reporting any sort of bullying behavior was not going to accomplish anything, because the punishment for reporting will be far worse than whatever the asshat is doing now.

What encourages me is the outrage people feel against the gang rapes and double standards concerning athletic teams and sexual assault. It makes me feel that I’m not alone for being angry and advocating for action.

A rant about Black Friday

I write this in the drowsy post-Thanksgiving haze after sharing this day with two families. And while this day is for giving thanks and spending time with family and loved ones, it’s very difficult to appreciate the holidays when you work in retail.

I find the oxymoron on Black Friday’s timing absolutely baffling to me. The night before (or nowadays a few hours prior) people were giving thanks and using this as a time to reflect and be insightful, and then afterwards be the most insufferable human beings whom have ever crossed those automatic glass doors. Bickering with the sales associates forced to work on this God awful day of greed. Does this really have to take place immediately after your food coma (or even during)? Could they honestly not wait until Saturday?

And even the nice customers that venture out, I still despise them too. Why? Because they contribute to the reason why corporations justify treating their employees like crap. We don’t get paid extra for working this day. Instead we lose sleep and sanity just to make minimum wage. Anyone who comes out on Black Friday is the reason why I have to be treated poorly by management and customers.

By the way, most of the tech sales on Black Friday is old technology the stores are trying to get rid of. It’s not the latest nor is it greatest, so keep that in mind. And actually, if you’re patient enough to wait another three months, the price will decrease to the point that it was on Black Friday (or be very close). But by then the latest version will be out, which now makes your version more antiquated.

So if you insist on going out tonight or tomorrow morning, treat the employees with kindness. Don’t question why they’re grumpy, miserable, or give poor customer service. It’s hard to be happy and celebrate when our forced to work in a stressful and thankless field. Be empathetic.

And if not, go shop online. Seriously, you don’t have to fight for parking, deal with people, or even put on pants! How can you argue with that?

And don’t forget about Small Business Saturday! That is one thing I can agree with is support local businesses, because they are the backbone of this country. Go to an independent book store, get your hair and nails done at a non-chain salon, try out that awesome hole in the wall sushi place! Do this all year-round!

Post-election recovery

Now that a considerable amount of time has passed, and however you want to state how the Presidential Election went is however you want to interpret it. Everyone has their own thoughts on how it went, but I want to focus on something more positive about the election, besides the end of the political ads and signage (which is something that I’m sure everyone can rejoice in).

Marriage equality passed in Maryland, Washington, and Maine. The clause that defines marriage is between a man and a woman has been overturned in Minnesota, which means the logical next step is to pass marriage equality. In all four states, this was determined by the popular vote of the people. This means people want marriage equality and for everyone to be entitled to the same rights and privileges.

New Hampshire elected an all-female delegation. That’s pretty awesome.

Tammy Duckworth is an Asian-American, disabled, military veteran that has been elected to Congress. There is finally some representation that can advocate for veteran affairs. And a voice for Asian-Americans is desperately needed. Seriously, this woman has accomplished more than I ever could. God, she’s like an Asian kid’s worst nightmare.

And Tammy Baldwin has been elected as the first openly gay Senator. Her sexual orientation was never brought up during the election. And while it may appear to be common sense that one’s sexual orientation should not be a factor in determining a person’s performance in a job, there are still dumb people out there that believe gay people are not fit to be parents.

There are more women in general serving in the Senate than ever before.

And by far the best part was that Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock were NOT elected. Seriously, do not piss off women (especially young women which the GOP lost votes from). If you are using rape as a political weapon, justifying, redefining, or saying idiotic and insensitive things like getting pregnant as a result of rape is God’s will — then you can bet that you’re not going to win. And that you proved that you’re a gigantic asshat. Rape is rape, none of this “legitimate” or “forcible” bullshit! And it is NOT God’s will!

So however you want to take the Presidential Election has, the things and people the people voted for gives me hope. They voted for equality. They made it clear that they will not tolerate white men who want to marginalize victims of sexual assault/abuse. The people voted for progress, change, and hope.

Lets put politics aside and just work to become better. Not this pissing contest where in all honesty no one wins.

Admissions tests are irrelevant

Admissions tests are complete crap. When in honesty is anyone going to sit down for six hours and answer multiple choice questions and essays in their college career? Because the SAT is supposedly predicting your performance in college. In reality, you’re just proving how long you can sit still for many hours in a freezing cold room with only one snack break. I’m pretty sure after the third hour of testing, everyone is just bubbling D in their scantron sheets.

Their eyes have glazed over, and they are wondering what they have done to deserve waking up at an ungodly hour on a Saturday to take this test. And it’s even worse when the test taking facility is your actual high school rather than some separate location. Going to school on a Saturday at 7 AM to take a test for six hours. You’re damn right that I took an epic nap after I took that God forsaken test. In fact, I blocked out a majority of what happened because it was that traumatic.

And then there is the GRE. I actually found it more nerve wrecking than the SAT, because of the implied importance that it was going to determine the rest of my life oh my God! I mean we got that with the SAT, but it was even more so with the GRE.

The process of taking the GRE is even more intimidating. You would assume that you were doing some sort of procedure to get security clearance for the federal government than taking an entrance exam for graduate school.

You’re not allowed to bring anything with you into the room. You empty your pockets and then have to prove that you did so. You can’t take your own pencils, and instead take the ones that they provide. And if you’re suffering from allergies, then your out of luck since you can’t take ANYTHING in the room with you. I was sniffling the entire four hours in that God forsaken room. This is one of those times when I wish I took at least one GRE prep class to be aware of all this.

And while the test is on the computer, your eyes still glaze over after having to click answers for the past two hours. And then you have the worst panic of your life when the test freezes.

But all that aside, it really sucks for the people that have test anxiety (or are just anxious because its a high stakes test). So how can it accurately assess how well a person does in college or grad school? What if the person was like me and does well in school but not so great on the GRE? Something like academic performance should not be solely based off a high stakes test is by far the most idiotic thing anyone could have thought of. It’s just unfair, dammit! And I want those hours of my life back from the SAT and GRE!

It is not Elementary, my dear Sherlock

Elementary is crap. When I see the name, I do not automatically think of Sherlock Holmes. And for any of the true Sherlock nerds out there, not once did he ever say “it’s elementary, my dear Watson.” So the title of the show is already wrong and stupid. Why not just name it Holmes & Watson? It is simple and it gets to the point! Sherlock and Sherlock Holmes are already taken, so why not be different but still clear about what the show is?

Not only can they not even come up with a good title, but they already screwed with the dynamic of the show by making Watson a girl. Why must you mess with the epic bromance between Sherlock and Watson? Besides having Sherlock solve everything, the second most important aspect is the friendship between the two. And you screwed it up by making Watson a girl!

Why is this a problem? Well, now there is an obvious sexual tension which was even more blatant when Watson saw Sherlock without a shirt on. And then cut to the romantic movie Sherlock decided to play in the background… What? If you really wanted to have an Asian Watson, then why not get a male Asian actor like B.D. Wong? In my opinion, Lucy Liu could have made an excellent Irene Adler instead.

And I realize that seeing the BBC version of this has spoiled me, but the Downey Jr. and Cumberbatch version of Sherlock tend to left the audience hanging in terms of his mental capacity because it was too quick. Cumberbatch Sherlock was usually frustrated when his average peers did not see the connection quickly enough. Downey Jr. Sherlock actually slowed down the thinking process and then demonstrate how quickly he thought in normal time. This Sherlock is fairly slow compared to his movie and BBC counterpart. Are Americans too slow and stupid to understand? Clearly not because the movie was very popular with American audiences. We did just fine when we has just the books to go on, and BBC’s version has a gigantic fandom.

What I see is a rip-off of Monk, bad writing, and just bad character dynamics. Watson and Sherlock need each other to function, and I don’t see that with Elementary. The relationship is forced because Watson is hired to keep an eye on Sherlock. It doesn’t manifest naturally like it does in BBC’s Sherlock nor is it already established like in the movies. And really the mysteries aren’t the sole reason for why we love Sherlock, but the friendship he and Watson has. And Elementary completely blew it on that part.

The fair is a veritable smorgasbord…

…of absolute fail.

I was recently (well more like nearly 3 weeks ago) forced to attend the state fair. I was not exactly keen on being outside for longer than five minutes, nor was I thrilled with the idea that I will be surrounded by people in tight enclosed spaces.

It was also going to be 85 degrees which in theory doesn’t sound bad, but add in the abundance of people giving off their body heat and then it becomes the miserable mess that it was for me.

I should also add that I was forced to go during Labor Day weekend… on a Saturday. That should not need any explanation.

However, I tried doing something that I learned from my cognitive behavior therapy class and try to not focus on all of the negatives. I thought of the wonderful but so terrible fair food. I love funnel cake, saltwater taffy, and grilled/deep fried death. And I missed it. The more I thought about terrible but delicious fair food, the more appealing the idea was to go to the fair. And I have to admit my mouth watered a bit whenever I thought of deep fried death.

And then came the actual day when we went to the fair, and any positive thinking I had going for me quickly evaporated after less than 15 minutes walking in the crowds making little foot traffic progress. People were everywhere and they all seemed to be going at the pace of the abandoned jar of molasses in our pantry.

Even the food could not make up for it. It was delicious, but ridiculously overpriced. The fairs rides I learned a long time ago were a complete rip off with its ticket system and unlimited ride passes. There was also a news story a few days before that a piece of a ride flew off…

Finally, there are the animals on display. Besides the smell, I feel bad for them since they’re cooped up in tiny enclosures in the heat. There was one fairly small cage for a mama bunny with her five babies. I’m not sure why anyone would bring an animal that is prone to be scared to a loud and intimidating environment. And it was so hot in the building, that I doubt the fans for the bunnies were putting a dent in the heat for them. Poor babies.

After a couple hours of absolute torture of being outside we finally called it a day. I was worse for wear and in retrospect I most likely had heat exhaustion. Nothing like a cold shower and a nap of epic proportions could not resolve.

I learned my lesson, state fair. I’m never coming to see you ever again.

My vagina is angry

Is it me or did I miss the memo that male politicians are informed enough to make healthcare decisions on behalf of women when their medical knowledge is lacking. And the fact that they lack female genitalia or know anything about being a woman in Western (or specifically American) society. In some cases, they do not even know how women’s bodies function biologically. Unless you have the initials MD, RN, PA, or any other fancy medical initials following your name, I do not believe that you should consider yourself an authority on women.

I usually do not try to talk about politics, since I believe that I am not always informed enough to make eloquent political statements. For the most part, my core beliefs do not change (we should help others, use logic when making decisions, seek the authority of actual experts in the field, etc) — but I do gather all of the information I can in order to make an informed decision/statement/whatever. I personally think it’s okay to wait on making a final decision by taking in all of the perspectives and making an informed one, instead of making an inpulsive/uninformed decision that makes you look like a complete idiot.

And if you do not believe that there is not a War on Women, then try to explain the following things:

• Threats to cut Planned Parenthood (which offers affordable healthcare for women and gives them the preventive care needed [pap smears, pelvic exams, screening for breast cancer, etc])
• Lack of paid maternity leave (it’s a complete joke to think that they think three weeks of unpaid leave is enough to physically and emotionally recover)
• Stupid male politicians threatening to take away contraceptives, abortion, and basically dictate what women can or cannot do with their bodies

One such stupid politician is Todd Akin. If you are completely unaware of who he is, refer to this well-done SourceFed story:

He has since apologized, but there are other things that worry me. The genuineness of his apology is questionable, but lets not go into that.

I understand that people screw up and say very stupid things. Humans are fallible and we should not put them into labels because they are more complex than that. But when you are in the public eye and trying to represent the people that voted for you; there should be more consideration of your words before opening your mouth.

One in four women and one in 33 men have been sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. It is more likely that these numbers are underestimated due to lack of reporting.

According to the US census, 51% of Missouri’s population are women (approx. 3 million). Therefore, he just cost himself at least 750,000 votes. Factor in any of the friends, relatives, etc and that number gets bigger. Akin not only lost or severely jeopardized a significant number of votes, he marginalized actual people who were victim of a traumatic event.

Also what the hell is “legitimate rape?” Rape is rape. You have no right to define what type of rape should be “legitimate.” Sexual assault (in any form) has the common denominator that a sexual act was committed without consent. That should be the ONLY definition. None of this “forcible,” “non-forcible,” “she was wearing provocative clothing, so what do you expect?” bullshit.

And despite the amazing things the human body can do; vaginas and uteruses are not magical enough to prevent pregnancy without the help of some sort of contraception or really accurate timing in their ovulation cycle.

President Obama stated it the best. I think he is the only male politician to ever state this as simply as he did. You may not agree with his economic policies or anything else he may have done, but the man actually uses logic when it came to this issue!

Rape is rape. The idea that we should be parsing, qualifying, slicing what types of rape we’re talking about doesn’t make sense to the American people. It certainly doesn’t make sense to me. What I think these comments do underscore is why we shouldn’t have a bunch of politicians, the majority of whom are men, making health-care decisions on behalf of women.

A rant about Florida

I’m not exactly a fan of beaches or places that is well-known for it’s outdoor attractions. This is mostly due to my inability to be outside due to me burning easily and being allergic to sunscreen. My sensitive skin is also not a fan of bugs and I’m also allergic to bug spray. Yeah, I’m not made for outside. Our ancestors worked very hard on the concept of inside, so I do not want to insult their memory by purposely going outside.

But back to the point of this post: Florida. It must not be a coincidence that the state is phallic-shaped. There are many reasons that support my hatred of this state beside my inability to go outside and all of the reasons to go to Florida involves outside.

Pythons, alligators, and other things that eat animals and small children.

I realize that alligators are native to the state, but I prefer not ever encountering them. And pythons are an invasive species with no natural enemies, so they get gigantic and scary. They both eat small (and not so small) animals and small children. Umm, no. I am sure I would lose in that fight. Lee Newton of SourceFed shares my exact same reaction when it comes to pythons and snakes in general.

Beaches, tourist traps, and general obnoxiousness.

Stephen Fry describes beach towns and resorts perfectly, “Dreary things like palm trees and cut-out parrots that promise so much and deliver so staggeringly little.”

Florida consists of beaches and ugly concrete buildings. The ocean and beaches itself are beautiful, but the concrete boxes that inhabit the area take away from its beauty. Think of it as being slapped in the face just as you’re about to receive a present.

Every place that offers oceans and beaches are all the same. Nearby and overpriced seafood restaurants and bars. Tacky tourist shops and attractions. Crowds of sweaty people with questionable hygiene and sense of propriety (I mean the people who wear things that barely cover any thing). People who are ignorant of getting skin cancer or actively welcome it. And this type of environment just seems to bring the obnoxious behavior out of people or makes it worse. There is very little beauty or ability to appreciate the scenery when it’s ruined by all of these things.

I like my seasons, and Florida lacks them.

I hate summer, and Florida it seems is in a perpetual state of summer or late-spring turning into summer. And I hate winter too, but that is not the point. I do like spring, but I think it’s mostly due to the relief it gives from winter. I love autumn the most. Unfortunately, autumn seems to get the short end of the stick in terms of duration compared to the others. For the most part, autumn truly exists in October. It is when the temperature is perfectly cool, not bitter cold like it can be in November. By October, the trees have turned into their beautiful yellows, reds, and oranges.

October is also my favorite month because of my birthday and Halloween. More points for autumn!

And autumn-related desserts (or rather apple pie) tastes best in the fall (October) for some reason. Or maybe that’s just me. It is apple picking season, which means it’s cider season. It also means it’s time to make pie, cake, muffins, apple crisp, and everything else that involves the delicious combination of apples and spices.

Because I have to put up with what seems like endless winters and humid/miserable summers, it makes me appreciate autumn more because of it’s precious and short duration. I cannot get my beautiful autumn colored trees, apple-related deliciousness, and everything else if I ever go to Florida.

Finding logic in the illogical

There are no words to describe what happened in Aurora, Colorado during a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises. The most anyone can say is that a man committed a senseless act of violence to people who were trying to enjoy a film they were all excited for. The kind of people that go to midnight showings are people who love comics, movies, and/or comic book movies. The people in the nerd and geek community. People like me. It could have been any one of us and for some of us it was.

People should not really try to make sense or attempt to rationalize what happen. I mean, it happened in a Batman movie? There must be some connection, right?! The guy called himself The Joker! Batman’s arch nemesis! Clearly the guy missed the entire point of the Batman franchise and lore.

No. It was senseless violence, and despite studying people for so many years and having a degree in it — there is not any person that can find any logical reason for it.

It has been expressed that we should take time to reflect and appreciate what time we have and to enjoy the company of people we love. I cannot agree more. I am seeing this movie with my boyfriend tomorrow, and I cannot think of another person I rather see it with than with someone I truly love and shares my enthusiasm for comic books and superheroes. I am not going to allow the act of a single person ruin the experience for me. I still love movies and comic books, and the senseless acts of an individual is not going to change that.

So take some time to go to the movies, read comics, go see a comic book movie. I’m not saying forget about what happened, but isn’t the purpose of superheroes to provide hope and teach us morality? Empower us to believe that we can overcome our tragedies.

Don’t let the act of a mad man ruin the movie going experience. Do things that you enjoy just for the sole reason that you are doing what you love. Not because if you don’t it’s letting “them” win. Better yet, do things you enjoy with people you love.

My thoughts are with the friends and families who have lost people they love. And a speedy recovery (both physical and psychological) for those injured.

Words seem so trite right now.