It is not a secret that I am a huge fan of the vlogbrothers and I am one of the many nerdfighters that pre-ordered John Green’s latest novel, The Fault in Our Stars. In complete honesty, even though I did enjoy his last book he wrote with David Levithan, Will Grayson, Will Grayson I am not a particularly huge fan of his previous books [hides from the heavy blunt objects that will be thrown at her]. It’s not to say they were bad or anything, I was just not as into them compared to his more recent works.

But I think I’ll be giving Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, and Paper Towns another try. It’s hard to deny the fact that there were many moments in all of his books that had me in stitches. He understands my type of humor. And part of the incentive to pre-order the book was that he was signing the ENTIRE first printing. Yes, he signed 150,000 books. And he had to go to occupational therapy for it.

I feel like I won the lottery to get a Hanklerfish. IS THIS REAL LIFE?

It’s a very surreal thing to see something that was in video form to actually being able to hold it in my hands.

Onto the actual review of the book. I got my copy January 10th (the official release date), when I came back from seeing ze boyfriend. It was probably a good thing I was not here to see UPS drop it off, because I’m sure I would have acted like Gollum did when he was reunited with the ring. My precious…

I should also mention that ze boyfriend’s Christmas present to himself was getting the extended blu-ray editions of Lord of the Rings and we did nothing for four days except watch the movies. And this warped my brain into relating everything possible to LoTR. I am still feeling it’s side effects of making nerdy references, so bare with me!

I would usually want to give myself some time to let whatever I read sink in before making a final opinion on it. However, it is a rare occasion for a book to make me feel the entire emotional spectrum in a matter of hours. It is also rare for me to finish an entire book in one sitting, which lead to me reading until it was 4:30 AM. I only took one break to pee and get a cookie. I just couldn’t stop reading it, even though I knew I was going to be exhausted when I woke up. The book really is that engrossing and good. Anytime I choose a book over sleep means it’s just that good of a book. When I finished the book, I hugged it. I didn’t want it to be over. I felt like I had to say good-bye to the characters I became friends with and I’m just not ready for it to end.

The book is about two teenagers, Hazel and Augustus, dealing with normal things all adolescents (and people in general) go through: love, making a mark in the world, leaving one’s legacy, pain, and normal teenager-y things. Only thing is that they also deal with a life where they live in a world in which they are not healthy. They have cancer and met at a really crappy Support Group for teens with cancer.

And thankfully, this book is not one of those sappy cancer books that are full of melancholy a lá Nicholas Sparks. It actually features characters that are likable and imperfect. The focus isn’t entirely on Hazel or Augustus saying, “Oh my God, I have cancer so I might as well do something with it to help others like me.” Nor is it, “woe is me, I am dying.” It just feels realistic how the characters in the book react to normal teenager-y things, like being dumped or feeling alienated by one’s peers. Only difference is that they have cancer, but John made a point that their illness is not their entire identity. Hazel is a bookworm, Augustus and Isaac are gamers, and this is their life.

The basic plot of the book is girl meets boy in Support Group. Nerdy bookworm of a girl introduces her favorite book evar to boy. Boy soon becomes as obsessed with the book as girl. They go to Amsterdam to meet the author to discuss the book.

I laughed a lot through the first half of the book, and then was a sobbing mess in the other half with momentary breaks of humor that John has weaved in. Although, I guess the title of the book kind of gives away that the stars are not in Hazel or Augustus’ favor.

It truly is a wonderful book, and I’m not just saying that because I am a nerdfighter because it truly is a great book that should be shared with people outside of Nerdfighteria.

Since getting my Kindle (I named it Antoinette) last February, I have been reading more often due to the pure convenience of having so many books on one device. However, since Amazon doesn’t have everything available for the Kindle I still buy actual books on the occasion it isn’t readily available in ebook form.

I’ve been noticing a pattern of me re-reading stuff that I had read in high school and I’ve discovered that I actually enjoy the books now that I do not have a crazy English teacher breathing down my neck to find all of the themes! Okay, I only really re-read To Kill a Mockingbird, which I read in my freshman year of high school. Now I do enjoy the movie with Gregory Peck as Atticus, which I saw a couple years ago which probably gave me incentive to give the book another chance. I’m not actually sure why I felt a need to re-read the book again, but I picked it up from my recent trip to Barnes & Noble. Now that I no longer have Mrs. O’Neill being the passive-aggressive crazy person she is, I can properly enjoy this book.

I’m not sure I will have as much luck if I re-read Catcher in the Rye, any of the past Shakespeare plays from high school, or any Steinbeck.

Now the store does sell Kindles and Nooks, which have been pretty popular this season. This is especially the case for the Kindle Fire, which we have been unable to keep in stock and we have been sold out of them for the past two weeks. And I think it is safe to say that all of the nearby retail locations that sells the Kindle Fire have been sold out and have had difficulty keeping it on the shelves.

A customer calls in about an hour before we closed asking if we had the Fire. He then proceeded to yell at my friend who answered the phone about and raging that we didn’t have it. Well, maybe if you actually planned ahead about getting this season’s hot ticket item then you would not have this problem. Or you could have ordered it from Amazon itself, but some people are just too stupid to do all of their holiday shopping online like smart people do. I am a big fan of not going outside, fight for parking, and being required to put on real clothes. I much rather just stay in my PJs and do all of my shopping without moving my arse while eating my dinner. And it’s delivered to you!

Replace "CD" with "Kindle Fire" and this fits perfectly

Also if you’re too stupid to use an e-reader, then you probably should not get one and stick to normal books instead. I’m looking at you lady who wanted a Nook because there’s a Barnes & Noble where she could get her books, because she “didn’t want to use her computer.”

Lady, that is not how the Nook or Kindle works. You don’t even have to use your computer as long as you have a decent wi-fi connection and Amazon/B&N account. You don’t have to leave the house or put on real clothes.  The people at B&N will tell you exactly the same thing we said. The most they’re going to do is teach you how to use it (even though it comes with instructions and we explain how to use it) and troubleshoot any issues you’re having. You can get your books at B&N using their wi-fi, but that kind of defeats the purpose of an e-reader.

And growing up in an Asian household, it is a cultural thing to value more introverted qualities. However, I think my dad missed that memo and I distinctly remember incidents where I was penalized for being shy and reserved. And every time I tried to be this outgoing person, I just felt very detached from myself and it just didn’t feel right to pretend to be this social butterfly. Because then I end up feeling like this:

Additionally in my early childhood, I lived in a not-so very safe neighborhood and there were few children my age to play with. I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, so most of my time was spent with my older brother who was always babysitting me until he left for college when I was 7 (yes, 10 year age gap). After that I usually occupied myself with books. And for a lonely child, books are the best friends a kid could ever have.

While growing up in a not-so-safe neighborhood with us being the only Asian family in the near vicinity at the time, I dealt with a lot of racist bullying. This did not help with the whole social interaction thing when I was busy minding my own business and trying to avoid attracting any attention towards me that would result in horrible and cruel consequences. And when my family moved, the bullying moved on from being racist to me being a nerd. Yeah, that also didn’t help either. This also resulted in a lot of self-consciousness, rock bottom self-esteem, and general misery through middle and high school.

Basically, social interactions can be very difficult for me. Psychologically, I learned that trying to be myself just resulted in ridicule; so in many ways I have yet to move on from that hurdle that I am not in high school anymore. I’m working on it.

I find it physically exhausting to be social around a lot of people, since it requires a lot of effort on my part. For introverts, people are exhausting and we need time alone to collect ourselves and recharge. I absolutely hate parties because it’s so overwhelming for me and I need at least 24 hours notice to help prepare myself. I also like to plan things in general, so having this time to mentally prepare myself is necessary. Many introverts (especially myself) have to flip a switch to deal with social occasions. I am still genuinely myself, but I have to put effort to socialize with others and that takes its toll after some time.

Another reason why I hate parties were the many dinner parties Asian families tend to have with their friends. I learned to hate drunken debauchery and obnoxiousness at an early age, which is why I’m not really much into the party scene in college/grad school. I’m not a very big fan of obnoxious drunkenness which is another reason why I avoid going to bars or any setting where there will be an abundance of alcohol. And sometimes I just get bored because I feel kind of left out, since I don’t really drink or I don’t really have anyone I could hang out with. Parties also have a stronger chance to induce panic attacks for me, which are unbelievably terrifying. If you never experienced one, the best way to describe it is that you really feel like you’re going to die. And that’s not fun. But this is more due to me being an anxious and shy person, not so much being introverted.

There was a short period of time in my spring semester of junior year of college when I was more social, but I was also going through a very tough spot in my life with my crazy bitch of a roommate and being led on by a guy  for five months (whom I had liked for an entire year). Even then my little dabble into that wasn’t that extreme by average college student standards, but it was a significant jump for someone like me. It was also during this state of depression that I bleached my hair and dyed it a deep burgundy. But that fizzled out quickly once I got my life back together (my crazy bitchface of a roommate transferring to a different school significantly helped). The parties were a way to escape her, since she never left the room to go out and have a life of her own. And additional boy drama concerning my last crush before meeting ze boyfriend finally made me give up on that asshole. And thankfully I cut him off because then I met ze boyfriend who has been nothing short of wonderful.

But back to being introverted. After reaching my quota of social interaction, my brain kind of shuts down and I just want to be alone. This varies depending on the situation. If I am with my two best friends, there is practically no limit of time I can spend with them without burning out. The same goes with ze boyfriend. But if it is with people I am not too familiar with or in a setting I do not particularly care for (i.e.: bars, parties), then I burn out more easily. This is usually when I make an excuse to go outside to get some fresh air (parties are usually in very inclosed spaces that don’t allow for proper air ventilation).

There are also very few people where I can talk whatever is on my mind without fear of ridicule or understand my weird banter and actually play off it are: my two best friends and ze boyfriend. I like to think that if I am able to talk to ze boyfriend just as I can with my two best friends that he is a keeper.

Replace the controller with a book, and that's an accurate drawing of me.

 What’s so frustrating is that in Western society, most of the people are extroverted and we introverts understand them due to our constant forced interactions with them. Extroverts don’t seem to really get it with introverts, since the proportions aren’t really in our favor for them to be exposed to us. I like to think there is 1 introvert for every 10 extroverts.

While I am not completely against socialization, I just prefer them to be generally more casual and in quieter environments (I am a big fan of cafes and restaurants) and in smaller groups. I am also not a fan of crowds and small spaces, which is another reason why I avoid bars since I start to feel claustrophobic with all of those people around me.

Tl;dr: I can handle most people in small amounts before brain shuts down.

• Remove self from room/house.

I almost always do my work in some type of cafe setting. This is because if I stayed in my house/room then I would be distracted by the things I need to do. Like laundry, cleaning, things I need to stock up on in my fridge/pantry, and the list goes on. This is why I need to remove myself from that, so I do not have that distraction.

• Set up work area.

Find a table (preferably one that is near a plug outlet). Set up work area by placing my notebooks, laptop, Kindle, planner, and pens/highlighters onto the table.

• Hazelnut coffee.

I must have coffee and preferably it should be hazelnut coffee. I either use the Donut Shop k-cups and add International Delight hazelnut creamer and one packet of raw sugar. It must always be that particular brand, because CoffeeMate has some crappy plastic seal instead of the foil that they used to have. Or it must be ice hazelnut coffee with room for half and half, no need for sugar because the syrup shots are already sweetened. I could just get the regular hot coffee with the hazelnut syrup shots, but then there’s this weird aftertaste in the hot coffee that isn’t there when I have it iced. It just doesn’t taste the same as hazelnut creamer. Also when doing work, I prefer iced coffee even when it’s winter because hot drinks of any kind will give me what I call warm soup belly and make me sleepy.

Also must keep water bottle nearby to properly hydrate myself, since caffeine does the complete opposite.

• Snacks.

• Go to YouTube, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Google Reader, email and waste lots of time.

I cannot do any work unless I check all of the above before getting down to business… and I must check them multiple times in case anything has been updated. This is why I have the SelfControl app that blocks any time wasters when I absolutely have a deadline looming over me. Oh God, if only I discovered this earlier in my years as an undergraduate.

• Create the perfect playlist to work to.

It’s a little embarrassing how much time is devoted to making these playlists. Sometimes I am in a jazzy type of mood to boost creativity. At times I need to be super focused and nothing but techno will do. Other times I need to just listen to the instrumentals of movie soundtracks to help me not be agitated and actually kick myself in the ass to get work done. And sometimes I’m too lazy and in need to discover new music, so I just listen to Pandora. As of late the stations I have devoted to finding music similar to She & Him and Pink Martini has been pretty awesome in terms of finding awesome new music. Not doing so great for my wallet though.

Let’s start off with something derived from my awkward teenage years: my first kiss. Yeah, we’re going there. I’m not going to count the one that happened in the first grade, since that was forced upon me from my fake-husband. That marriage lasted an entire day and was around the time I discovered boys had cooties.

For some background information, I was brainwashed by the idea that your first kiss must be perfect and magical from an embarrassing number of romantic movies and young adult novels. I was a bit of a hopeless romantic at the age of 13, but I’m sure that’s normal for most adolescents given society’s obsession with romantic love.

Fast forward to sophomore year of high school and I’m 15 years old. This was the cusp of my awkward stage of braces and glasses, weeks before I get contacts and my braces removed. I had one of those lame high school relationships where we were only together while at school. Since my previous experience of guys asking me out prior to this (a grand total of 1 guy) was a bit… creepy stalker-y, the guy was a definite step up from that.

We were friends before this all started and I thought I would give him a chance, since he didn’t seem all that bad. Only he had questionable hygiene and just remembering our two weeks together makes me gag a little lot. I learned many lessons from this and one of them is to actually have some sort of attraction for any romantic relationship to not fail.

Because our courtship was just that awkward, we discussed the steps of our relationship over AIM. This was back in the day when AIM was the to-go way to communicate with people (wow, I feel old). We agreed that 1 day into our courtship that we would hug every time we departed to go to class. Those were very stiff and forced hugs on my part. This definitely shattered all of the illusions of finally having a relationship. I also learned that having a weird ball of anxiousness in my chest during our entire 2 week courtship was probably not a good sign that it’s going to go well. It also didn’t feel natural to be with him. It was just weird and didn’t help my existing anxiety issues.

A week into this hot mess of awkward conversations and hugs was the fateful night that he asked over AIM if he could kiss me. Now the few people that read this blog: THERE IS NO REASON TO ASK THE PERSON YOU ARE ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH IF IT’S OKAY TO KISS THEM! JUST DO IT!

This was pre-empted by an unbelievably sappy away message that went along the lines of, “a kiss on the forehead means blah blah blah.” And then he asked me if it was okay if he kissed me. I was mortified. I did not respond for a long time. How does someone respond to a question like that?! For some strange reason the way I dealt with difficult situations back then was brush my hair a lot. I also pulled the covers from my bed over my head, as if my sort-of boyfriend would even see me hiding from the computer screen. Then I said yes.

The next morning was just one giant hot mess. The SparkNotes version was that after leaving biology (which we both had together), I ran into a wall. And after recovering from that, my friend bumped into me from behind and just as he was about to kiss me… which was the most awkward liplock ever. I’m pretty sure I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole, but of course that didn’t happen.

This awkward kissing that made me feel like gagging every time it happened continued for a few more days. I finally came to my senses that it was time to end things, since I’m sure wanting to gag post-kiss was not normal and it is past the everything feels awkward in a new relationship stage. Unfortunately this landed on the Day of Silence that he happened to be participating in. Which made me feel like the worst person in the entire world.

But then he got a new girlfriend by the next bell. Apparently, the idiot had a backup girlfriend in case things with us backfired. The girl he ended up being with just happened be the same girl that was there when he asked me out. They were the kind of couple that couldn’t stop with the PDA, and they had a habit of making out with each other right in front me before class started. Yeah, that’s mature.

That was my first sort-of boyfriend and kiss that ruined all of my romantic expectations. I also like to say that every first kiss I had with any guy after was an awkward experience.

I had a designated shopping day that landed on the last day of classes that was also conveniently on pay day. I made plans to finally treat myself to a couple things (and the Sephora Beauty Insiders gift card and Victoria Secret secret rewards card helped). As a counselor, it is drilled into your head to do self-care to prevent burn out and this is my little self-care bit. Since I had very little time to do things for myself, I thought it was time to reward myself.

Unfortunately, my substitute supervisor at work decided to ruin everything by berating, belittling, insulting, and everything else to me to the point of tears. And then she had the audacity to come up to me and say, “did I upset you? I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!” Well, you’re not going to get an answer any faster if you’re pressuring the other person to speak when he/she is a sobbing mess (and thus not really capable of speech).

I was still quite upset for a good chunk of the day. Ze boyfriend did a good job of cheering me up.

I made a purchase of something that I had been lusting after ever since it came out (yeah, I’m late to that game):

It's so beautiful!

AHHH!!!

I have an unhealthy love for nail polish and I just did a mini-purge of my collection of all the old, dried out ones. Which prompted my need to buy new ones to replenish my collection. I’m usually not one for the color pink in general, but I like the color for makeup and nails since it is a color that I pull off well.

OPI - Handpicked for Me

I’m actually wearing it in this photo, but crappy lighting ruins everything. It’s described by Sephora as a “sheer light pink lilac with metallic silver.” It did go on very sheer, and it took three coats to get it to be opaque. The color is like a pale Barbie pink depending on the lighting and goes well on my transparent yellow Asian skin tone. But the formula is great like all OPI polishes are and it really is a lovely color that is less obnoxious than a majority of my collection. I’ve been trying to look for more professional colors I can wear to practicum next semester.

Sally Hansen Hard As Nails Xtreme Wear - White On

I’ve been needing a new white nail polish too… I need adult supervision while shopping as you can tell. And moar eyeshadow…

L'oreal HiP eyeshadow duo - Electrified

A lovely metallic taupe and deep purple.

I may or may not have purchased this because of Jen’s review of it awhile back…

And I got this because I love graphic novels and look forward to having free time to read stuff that I actually want to read! Like this coming-of-age graphic novel, Blankets by Craig Thompson.

This awesome, giant beast of a book.

I'm only about halfway through, but I highly recommend it.

This giant beast of a book is 592 pages, but it’s a fast read and the artwork is awesome. It’s a memoir of the artist’s life growing up in a rural town with very religious parents. It’s his journey of first love, religious/spiritual identity, teenage angst, alienation, and the hell known as high school when you’re the weirdo everyone picks on. Thompson writes about his adolescence in such beautiful candidness, especially about his relationship with Raina — his first love.

FTC: I bought everything with my own money. I am not sponsored by L’oreal, Urban Decay, Sally Hansen, OPI, Sephora, or anyone. 

I have always appreciated good design. I like to think it is the bastardized artistic gene that was given to me, while my brother got all of the talent. I had fallen victim of buying things because of the awesome packaging (still do, I need adult supervision while shopping). I am a big fan of either ornate or simplistic/minimalist packaging. I also (along with the rest of the world) have an unending hatred for clamshell packaging. I think companies do this on purpose as a twisted attempt to experiment on its consumers on delayed gratification. And it works… sort of. If their idea of success is angering and injuring its consumer base. I am forever grateful to Amazon’s frustration free packaging.

For example, I also may or may not have purchased this expensive bottle of perfume based on its beautiful bottle design:

Look how pretty it is! It could pass as a prop in a Tim Burton or fantasy film.

This was also one of the few times when the purchase of desired object did not result in buyer’s remorse because it turned out to be an awful product. It smells wonderful and ze boyfriend is a big fan of it. I can only wear it in the autumn and winter because of how heavy the scent is, but fortunately it is winter here most of the year. If anyone has any non-obnoxious scents for the spring and summer (the few people that actually read this), it would be very much welcomed.

And in my years of self-taught Photoshop and being friends with many artists and graphic designers I developed into a font snob. The abundant use of Comic Sans is disgraceful, and James Cameron’s use of Papyrus in Avatar was also sad compared to the visuals of the movie (which was the only good thing about it). I am a big fan of Helvetica for its simplicity. Okay, there is the fact that it is the default that graphic designers use when they have no idea what to use. But anything is better than Comic Sans and Papyrus.

Although, if you really want to know how crappy the computer is at the office supply store I work at — it doesn’t even have Helvetica on it. Well, actually that’s technically not true but it is only available in certain applications (yeah, I don’t get it either). The thing can barely handle opening PDFs and it doesn’t have Helvetica which is the most basic font that is available on default in every single computer… yeah, it fails.

Ooooh...

YOU WILL NEED THIS STUFF:

Ingredients:

• Lots of thinly sliced beef (I forgot how many pounds I used… oops)
• 1 Tablespoon Honey
• White Onion, chopped (small amount)
• 1.5 tablespoons of Fish Sauce
• 1 teaspoon Black Pepper (if you have freshly ground pepper, even better but I am grad student that can’t have nice things)
• 1.5 tablespoon Soy Sauce
• 1.5 teaspoons of Sugar
• 2 Thai chili peppers, chopped
• 1 Lime, juiced
• Cucumbers, sliced
• Rice vermicelli
• Nước Chấm

Combine fish sauce, soy sauce, chili peppers, black pepper, sugar, onion, lime, and honey into a bowl and mix well. Add in the beef in the bowl and mix it into the marinade. Make sure everything is coated well. Cover the bowl in saran wrap and place it in the fridge for about 20-30 minutes.

In a large pot, bring water to a boil and add the noodles in. Stir occasionally so the noodles don’t stick to the pot. Once it is soft enough, drain into a colander and rinse with cold water. Let the noodles sit to help it “dry out” so it has a sticky texture instead of a wet one.

Remember the meat marinading in the fridge? Well it’s time to cook it! If you have one of those awesome indoor tabletop grill thingies, use it. If not, using a pan or wok is okay. Cook each side of the meat until it is a little charred (if grilling). It shouldn’t take too long to cook since the meat is so thin.

Place your goodies in a bowl with your noodles, cucumbers, and a little nước chấm. If you have other garnishes and other nice things like lettuce, mint, or cilantro add those too; but remember this is a recipe for a grad student that did not have nice things lying around and was too lazy to drive to the grocery store. Mix and om nom noms.

Behold the deliciousness of it!

Like many babies, I am quite fond of just having a bottle in the near vicinity. I find it comforting to have it within arm’s reach. I think my fondness for having a re-introduction to my love of bottles was back in elementary school when I was given a bottle of water from my mother when I was sick. Her solution to helping me feel better besides keeping me hydrated was to use the water bottle as a cool pack for my feverish forehead.

I actually prefer drinking water from a bottle than I do from a cup/glass. I don’t know why, I just love my bright green BPA free plastic water bottle.

And then the worst thing ever happened. I come back from Thanksgiving break this past Monday and not only did I forget my iPod cable and Kindle charger (using one of my many USB cables will be an appropriate substitute and borrowing roomie’s iPod cable) — I forgot my wonderful water bottle in my bedroom at home.

I tried to survive another 3 weeks before the semester ended, but I didn’t even make it past day 1 before buying another  bottle that I got from the school’s souvenir shop. I couldn’t stand having a glass of water by my bedside at night in case I got thirsty. IT’S JUST NOT THE SAME!

Fortunately, my best friend and roomie is much like me with wanting a water bottle at all times and has a collection of water bottles branded by the school. At least, I’m not as bad as her.